Living Donor

We generally have a lot going on in our life.  Well . . . things are about to get crazier!

I haven't really talked about it on the blog before, but Chad's mom has been very sick for the last year and a half.  She was diagnosed at the end of 2011 with Autoimmune Hepatitis.

Looking back, we can see that Mrs. Tina had experienced symptoms for a long time, but they had been easily explained away as from some other cause.  Chad's mom isn't much for doctors (who is?!) so the sad reality is that the disease went undiagnosed for many years when there were no symptoms.  Once the symptoms got bad enough for her to go to the doctor, the damage to her liver was already very severe.

Mrs. Tina spent a week in the hospital in January 2012, which was such a scary time for everyone.  At that point, she was officially put on the liver transplant list.  The last year has been full of ups and downs in her health.  I never realized how important the liver is in your overall health until seeing how many other issues can arise when the liver isn't functioning well.

Our hearts have been broken as we've seen Grammy suffer complications, pain, and a radical change in lifestyle during the last year.  In the midst of it all, though, her faith has remained strong.  Mrs. Tina is one of the quickest people I know to proclaim God's faithfulness, goodness, and provision.  Her faith has challenged and encouraged my heart!

Almost a month ago, Mrs. Tina was in NOLA for an appointment and ended up back in the hospital for a few days.  At that appointment, her hepatologist mentioned on option that had never been brought up before . . . a living liver donation (Ochsner has just begun their program in the last year and has only done 3 so far).

The liver is amazing.  Really, God is amazing.  Our Creator made the liver able to regenerate {in just 8 weeks!}.  This opens up the door to a living donation instead of waiting on the transplant list for an organ donor's liver {20% of people die while waiting on the transplant list}.

As soon as Chad's mom said that the doctor mentioned a living donor, Chad said, "I'll do it."  He told me that in that moment, without hesitation, he just had this overwhelming feeling that this was right.  Does this sound familiar?  Just like when I shared the HIV info with him regarding our adoption . . . when Chad senses in his spirit that the Lord is speaking, He is quick to obey.  I love this man. :)

A living donor coordinator came to Mrs. Tina's hospital room while Chad was with her to talk about the program.  He was also able to speak to a surgeon that week to get a lot of questions answered.

To say these conversations were intense for our whole family is an understatement.  The hope that this transplant could bring to Mrs. Tina is priceless.  Most recipients wake up from the transplant with 90% of their symptoms gone.  GONE.  Chad's mom sobbed (okay, we all did) when we heard that fact.  She hasn't felt well in so long, so the thought of her being done with the endless complications and this draining disease is almost too much to comprehend.

On the other hand, the donor wakes up from the transplant feeling worse than ever. :)  It is a major surgery (5-6 hours) with a long recovery (6-8 weeks).  It is one of the few times in medicine that they will take a well person and do something to bring them pain.  There are risks, like with any surgery.  The cost must be counted.

Since the moment it was mentioned, this has been the topic of discussion of our family.  Counting the cost.  Asking questions.  Gaining clarity.  Praying.  Crying.  Hoping.

After two weeks, we were all on the same page about moving forward.  Chad and his younger brother, Blake, were both willing and ready to be assessed to see if they could be a donor.  For several reasons, we decided together for Blake to be assessed first.  Blake had lab work and a CAT scan done on April 5th, but within hours the doctor called to let him know that his liver didn't have enough volume to be eligible to donate.  This is nothing Blake has control over, but the news was still crushing.  Our hopes for Mrs. Tina are so high, so this roller coaster has been so hard for everyone.

Once Blake got the news, Chad called immediately to ask to be assessed.  He spoke with the coordinator on Monday, April 8th and by that afternoon she had appointments set up for the next day.

The rest of the week is honestly a blur.  Chad had a total of 13 appointments, 8 on Tuesday and Wednesday alone.  It was important for me to be at most of these as we would be meeting with the surgeon, the coordinator, the social worker . . . and of course to give Chad someone to look at so he didn't pass out as he got lab work and IVs!  

We were so grateful to all of our friends who stepped up to watch the kids at short notice so we could make it to all these appointments!  Ava and Grayson had 6 babysitters in just 2 days . . . that is some kinda love and service from the Body right there!

Chad's CAT scan was Tuesday night so we expected to get word about his liver volume on Wednesday.  We met with the surgeon on Wednesday afternoon and he told us that everything looked good so far.  Whew . . . I think I had been holding my breath all day.  He needed to look at the CAT scan a little more, though, before he gave us the final answer, but promised to call later that night.  

We got the call while at church, but it was to tell us that something was wrong with the CAT scan disc and he would have to try again the next day.  AHHHHH!  We were exhausted (thanks to a 6 am MRI appointment) and the anxiety of waiting was taking it's toll.  

Thursday we waited. And waited. And waited.  No call back.  Chad went by the transplant office after another appointment and was told that the surgeon was off.  Now I'm fine with people having a day off.  But don't tell someone you are calling with life-changing news and forget to mention that it will be AFTER your day off!

Again, Friday morning was spent in agony.  Chad literally had his phone in his hand at all times.  It rang often, but it was usually someone in the family calling so see if we had heard anything yet.  We were all emotional wrecks.  I just wanted to KNOW.  I wasn't letting myself go down the road of surgery until I knew that we would even be walking that road.  I was absolutely sick at the thought of hearing a "no" because of our hopes being crushed.  Only 25% of people who get assessed can actually end up being a donor.  Our odds weren't good.  

Finally, at 4 pm on Friday, the doctor called to give us the YES!  Everything with Chad looks good and we are moving forward (the delay was a technical difficulty with the CAT scan results . . . get it together people!).  

Unless something changes, the surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, May 8th. 

It is better for Mrs. Tina to have the surgery as soon as possible so she doesn't chance getting too sick to be eligible.  We are also in favor of asap . . . I'm still praying we'll be in Ethiopia this year so I want Chad recovered and ready to fly!

While so thankful to have a yes, our emotions are hardly stabilized.  We are so grateful that this is even a medical possibility.  We are beyond excited about what this will mean for Mrs. Tina's health and recovery.  Hope is such a precious gift from God.  We are looking forward to Grammy getting to enjoy a full life for many years to come!

At the same time . . . holy cow this is big.  I was texting someone that we got a "yes" and had this internal dilemma about using an ! at the end.  I'm so excited, but do you really use an ! when talking about your husband having a massive surgery?  :)

I'll go into details about what all this will mean for Chad and our family in another post, but here is what is important to know . . .

There are risks.  But Chad isn't being risky.

At least for us, the difference is big.

There are risks with any major surgery.  Complications can occur.  Crazy, unexpected things can happen.  Our greatest fears could be realized.  But these risks are highly unlikely.  There is a 99% chance that the surgery will go beautifully, Chad will recover well, and he will have no lasting effects {except for a huge scar, but what guy doesn't love a battle wound!}.  Those odds aren't a gamble.  It is almost a sure thing.  It is a reasonable risk.

If the statistics were different, if it was really risky, if Chad was likely to lose his life . . . we wouldn't do it.  Chad's mom and dad wouldn't let him do it.  The doctors wouldn't even let him do it. 

At the end of the day, we are walking forward in faith and trust in our great God.  We have the highest hopes of both Chad and his mom making full recoveries.  We trust that God can and will write a better story for our lives than we could ever imagine.  We pray that this whole process will be used to proclaim God's glory.

Isaiah 26:3 is the Word that I've been proclaiming over and over . . .

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

 Please pray this for us.  Remind us of God's character.  Encourage us with the Word.

We would love your prayers for our whole family as we spend the next few weeks preparing physically, emotionally, practically, and spiritually for the surgery and recovery of Chad and his mom.  

{Just a side note for anyone reading that knows Chad's family personally . . . I know you might want to jump in your car right now to go visit or pick up your phone to call.  With great love, I'm asking you to refrain.  If you know Mrs. Tina, you know that she is an incredible hostess and loves nothing more than to have friends come visit and talk for hours.  That hasn't changed!  But she is very sick and extremely exhausted.  Her heart would love to welcome every visit and phone call, but her body just isn't up to it.  Some better options for now would be to send her an encouraging letter (221 Karen Dr., Lafayette, LA 70503) and to faithfully pray.  Thank you!}

God Speaks

God speaks.  

He spoke the world into being.  Scripture records how He has spoken to His people since Adam and Eve were created.  He spoke to and through His prophets.  

Then the Word became flesh.  Jesus is Truth and spoke Truth.  

The Spirit of God inspired the Word of God that we are privileged to read and study.  The same One who inspired it, now teaches us, bears witness to Christ, and opens the eyes of our hearts to understand.

I've been overwhelmed with this truth lately.  All that we understand about life and God is because of His divine revelation, because He has chosen to speak to those who don't deserve to hear His voice.  Grace upon Grace.

I've also been reminded lately of how powerful it can be when we share how God is speaking.  

I can so often choose to talk about things that don't matter when spending time with friends.  I can share a common platitude when someone is struggling.  I can fan the flames of frustration or hurt when someone is venting.

What if I shared words of Life instead?  What if I encouraged dear friends with what God has been teaching me through the Word, praying it will edify their hearts?  What if I shared the only Truth that will actually bring hope to those struggling?  What if I trusted the Spirit to give me the words to bring someone to the Cross and the Empty Tomb when they are angry and hurt . . . to play a part in moving them from darkness to light and life?

Cause I'm not gonna lie . . . there are days when I just need someone to walk up to me and say "His mercies are new every morning.  Great is His faithfulness."  I need that kind of friend so I want to be that kind of friend!

Just last week Chad was on the phone with my mom.  She shared with him what she had been learning that week.  She couldn't have known it, but that testimony was a timely word for Chad, speaking right to an issue of his heart.  He got off the phone, confessed, repented, and worshiped.  All because God had spoken and His daughter had proclaimed it.

I want to develop a discipline of proclaiming how God is speaking to this undeserving heart.  It isn't that I never share {some of you may be thinking that I do share . . . maybe too much!}.  But I want to be more intentional.  Ready at a moment's notice to speak words of LIFE to the dead, broken and lost, but also to my weary brothers and sisters following after Christ.

 So here are a few things that God has been speaking to me lately . . .

humility

God has been confronting me with my pride for months, gently and consistently.  As I've prayed recently about wanting to be used by Him, but my pride getting in the way, He has spoken twice so clearly that I felt I could almost audibly hear His voice.

- Let your prayer be not that you would be exalted among those who know, but that Christ would be exalted among those who don't.

- I will use a jar of clay, but I will never raise a golden calf.

Ouch, right?!  Remember how Hebrews 4 says that the Word is living and active?  We love that.  But it also says that the Word is "sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." That hurts.  So, so good, but painful nonetheless!

prayer

Matthew 8:5-13 shares the story of a centurion asking Jesus to heal his paralyzed servant, but also recognizing Jesus' authority and the power of a simple word spoken from the mouth of the Savior.  Verse 13 is where God leveled me ...

"And to the centurion Jesus said, "Go; let it be done for you as you have believed."

Jesus didn't say "as you have asked" as I would have expected, but the focus and healing was based on belief.

Sometimes I just don't ask.  But how often do I ask God to work without truly believing that He can and will?  Talk about changing your prayer life!

knowing God

Yesterday I was reading the Word in three different places, but God was speaking the same Truth.  I love seeing how the Word is ONE story pointing my heart to God!

- In just the first 24 chapters of Ezekiel, the phrase "then you will know that I am the Lord GOD" is used 39 times.  That repetition has obviously caught my attention . . . God is concerned that His people {and all people} would know who He is, that He is the LORD.  

Chapter 24 though took it even further.  God told Ezekiel that He was going to take his wife, "the delight of your eyes," and that Ezekiel couldn't mourn her death.  God gives the reason as He spoke to His people in verse 24, "Thus shall Ezekiel be to you a sign; according to all that he has done you shall do.  When this comes, then you will know that I am the Lord GOD."

Am I willing to be used by God so that all will know that He is the Lord?  Am I willing to sacrifice my "delight" so that others will know?

- Matthew 10 records Jesus' instructions to the 12 disciples as He sends them out to proclaim the kingdom of God to Israel.  Jesus paints a pretty rough picture for them . . . sheep among wolves, being flogged and dragged into court, being hated by all for the sake of Christ, persecution, death, their own families becoming enemies.  Verse 38 sums it up, "whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me."  

It was a call to die to self.  Die so that others may know.

Am I willing to die to self so that others may know Christ?  Do I fear nothing, not persecution, hatred, isolation, even death, but count it all a loss for the sake of knowing Christ and making Him known?

- 2 Timothy is Paul's deathbed letter to Timothy.  He encourages Timothy to persevere in the faith and follow Paul's example of a life poured out in worship to God.  Paul has been through a lot as he has followed Christ {understatement of the year!}.  

But even at the end, his focus is still on the call that has been the driving force of his life.  2 Tim. 4:17, "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it." 

Have I given over my life to making Christ known to all nations?  Do I realize that eternal life is to know God {John 17:3} and that God desires all people to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth {1 Tim. 2:4}?  What am I doing about it?

Do you remember that song, "All of life comes down to just one thing.  That's to know you oh Jesus and to make You known."?  I used to be bothered because the writer says there is one thing, but he has an "and" in there, which clearly means he's talking about two things . . . 1. know Jesus. 2. make Him known.  Right? Wrong!

There is just one thing.  To know Jesus IS to make Him known.  You can't separate the two.  A disciple is a disciplemaker.  

I know this.  But I loved hearing God speak this Truth to me through three different parts of the Word yesterday.  It reminded me that the Word is One Story about One God declaring One Mission . . . to know Him and make Him known!

So what has God been speaking to you?  

Let's encourage each other!  But if you don't share it on here, be intentional to share words of LIFE with someone in your life today!

Newness: Blog Design and Waitlist Number

So . . . whatcha think?

{If you love it, feel free to comment.  If you don't, it won't build me up in any way to know that.  Just sayin'!  I've been shocked, especially this week on facebook, at the things people will say online . . . like they aren't actually talking to a real person with feelings.  So let's just share happy thoughts, okay!}

I really love the new look.  I'm so blog/web/design illiterate . . . as you probably noticed from the state of my blog previously {I could never figure out how to get our family picture to be less than ginormous.  That's why I had a picture in the header from before Grayson even turned 1.  I tried a few times to change it, but everything I did made it look worse.  Pitiful.}

So I enlisted the help of Leigh, an adoptive mama who I "met" through our agency facebook group who has a blog design business (The Crazy Cocoon).  Leigh also donates 15% of the profits to help a family fundraising for an adoption.  A good looking blog {finally!} and helping a family bring a little one home . . . can't think of a better way to spend the last of my birthday money!  

Leigh did such a great job . . . she listened to what I wanted, did a lot of design options, was patient with me as I realized that I really had no clue what I wanted, and then created what you see now when I finally just told her to quit listening to me and make something beautiful! 

If you have been thinking of getting a new look for your blog or starting one, I would highly recommend getting Leigh to help you bring it all together!

Speaking of new, we got our new waitlist number for March . . .

 

 Yep, #90.  

And by the way, that is a big fat lie.  

I don't love the 90's.  We've been in the 90's since our November update.  I'm praying that next month we'll finally be out of the 90's.  I might even throw a party.  We can dress up in 90's garb, listen to "oldies", and celebrating leaving them behind! :)

I don't say this often enough . . . thanks.  

Thank you to everyone who prays for our sweet Easton and for our family while we wait.  

Thank you to those who ask for updates or about how we're doing in the wait.  It can be hard to answer when waiting stinks and there is no news to share, but we still really appreciate when we know you remember and care.  

Thank you for still sporting our adoption t-shirts and hopefully sharing about God's heart for orphans and more importantly sharing about the adoption available for the children God created and loves  through Jesus' life, death, and resurrection.

Thank you.

Overcome

Hello there.  Good to see you again. :)

Other than a few adoption waitlist number updates, it has been quite a while since I've written.  Wondering why?

Full disclosure . . . I'm prideful.  

And unfortunately I found that this blog was fanning the flames of pride in my heart.  I found myself more and more concerned with what people said, what people didn't say, criticism I would receive, likes, shares, comments . . . you get the idea.  Even when I shared a good Word from a sincere heart, my mind would quickly detour into self-centered thoughts.

So I've stepped back the last few months.  Originally I thought I should just walk away from opportunities for pride to reign, including the blog.  But God gently reminded me that there will always be opportunities for me to want my name exalted over His or moments when I will want to steal the praise that He alone is due.

I'm not just to flee pride, but to walk in humility.

Even still, the break has been good for me.  Now this doesn't mean that I've kept my mouth shut these past few months!  I've just embraced and been more intentional in the avenues that God has already given me to encourage and challenge through His Word . . . Sunday School, Inward, the lady I disciple, Life Group, and friendships.

The thing about these opportunities is that these people SEE me.  They don't just see the online version where only selective thoughts are verbalized {even though I've tried to be real about my struggles, I know there is always that feeling of not seeing the full picture . . . because you aren't!}.  They see and hear of my struggles, they hear my confessions, they walk with me in ministry, they study the Word with me.  There isn't a whole lot of room for pride, when people see the real you.

So I've embraced these relationships. I've shared the Word and what God has been teaching me.  And God has protected me from my pride and enabled me to do it with humility {I promise I'm not being prideful in saying that!}.  I've prayed for God to be glorified, I've felt a fire in my heart because His Word is powerful and true, I've exalted His work by the Spirit, and I've worshiped with gratitude that He would use me at all.  It has been good . . . transformation hurts at times, but is always good.

But today I feel comfortable sharing with you how God overwhelmed me with Truth this morning.  And I pray as I type that the Spirit would encourage and challenge your heart in a way that only He gets the credit!

For years and years daily time in God's Word was inconsistent at its best and downright neglected at its worst.  But I've had a couple of revivals of the heart in the last few years that have changed me.

Two years ago God graciously gave me a strong desire to be in His Word.  At the same time He gave Chad a renewed desire to lead me spiritually by making sure I had the time to be in the Word {meaning that He gave Chad the courage to wake me up way earlier than I wanted to have my eyes open . . . such love!}.  That discipline of daily time dramatically changed me, changed us.  

Then, just a few weeks ago, God began another revival in my heart.  Not just a little revival.  Like a big Gospel tent revival with a hollering preacher!  His name is Paul and his God-inspired words to Timothy have brought me to my knees at the alter over and over again.

What is so great that it is changing me?  Hold on to your seats . . .

The Gospel.

Shocker, right?!  Seriously though, I am so saddened to say that reflecting on the Gospel has never before been part of my daily discipline.  Even as I've been more consistent in the Word these last few years, I've not always meditated on the Gospel.

But for the past two weeks I have daily thought, prayed, and studied the Gospel and it is changing me.  Listen to Paul's words in 1 Timothy 1:12-17 . . .

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.  But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.  But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

The same Gospel that transformed Paul has transformed me and I hope it has transformed you.  It is all grace.  Apart from Christ we are all enemies of God, slaves to sin, dead.  We deserved separation from God forever, BUT God, in mercy and great love, did something about it.  He did what we could never do for ourselves. God the Son came to save.

And do you see what this recounting of his salvation produced in Paul?  WORSHIP!  It's like he bursts out in song at the end, overcome by God's great grace.  It has produced the same in me.  I've worshiped and prayed with a gratitude I've never known simply because I'm keenly aware of my great need.

Then again in 1 Timothy 2 . . .

 . . . God our Savior, who desires for all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all . . .

This is what I taught this morning so I've been studying it all week.  

So. Incredibly. Powerful.  It truly is amazing grace. 

After teaching and digging into the majesty of the Gospel, my heart was already so full as I came to corporate worship.  We were singing "Worthy is the Lamb" . . .

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne.
We crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious!
High and lifted up
Jesus, Son of God.
The darling of Heaven, crucified... 

Worthy is the Lamb.

Thank you for the cross, Lord.
Thank you for the price you paid.
Bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came
And gave Amazing Grace.

Thank you for the scars, Lord.
Thank you for the nail-pierced hands.
Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know...
Your forgiveness and embrace.

I was praying the song until we got to the end of verse 2 and then I was completely overcome and sobbing on the floor.

The truth of the Gospel is that I deserve God's wrath.  He would be absolutely just to pour out that cup on me.  It is what I'm due for my rebellion and sin.

But because of the Cross, I will never know that wrath.  I will only know His forgiveness and embrace.

I'm undone.

His grace is radical.  The Cross is gruesome and glorious.

It is my only hope.  Is it yours?

January Adoption Update

We're starting 2013 down 31 spots from when we got on the waitlist in July!

This month we are number

But here's another number . . .

7

We've now been on the waitlist for Easton for 7 months.  It seems to have flown by and crept by all at the same time.  Not sure how that works, but it's true.

In reality, this month makes a year and a half since we first started the adoption process.  Now that seems like FOREVER . . . especially since we have no idea how long of a wait we still have ahead of us.  

I've meant it when I've said that we aren't waiting in turmoil.  We know God's timing will be perfect so there is a trust and peace that comes with that truth.  

But waiting is still waiting.  You'd rather have it now . . . especially when you are waiting on your son.  

But if embraced, waiting can be a very profound time.  A time of growth and preparation and joy and learning and savoring each moment .  

Most of all, it can be a time with countless opportunities for proclaiming the Gospel  . . . 

My King knows best and so I will trust in His plans. 

My Savior is worth any heartache experienced as we walk in obedience.

My God will not leave me for one moment while I wait and will give me the strength to wait well.

My Teacher will open the Word to me in new ways through this process and I will see treasures about who He is like never before.

My Refiner will mold me into His likeness through the fears, the grief, the anticipation, the doubt, the anxiety . . . and then the returning to Him as my Rock and Sure Foundation.

Why do we adopt?  Because my Father adopted me through the sacrifice of His Son . . . the Gospel.

I wish I could say I've lived the past year and a half embracing the wait, but I'd be lying. But more often than not . . . and unfortunately there is still more time to grow. :)

So what do I do while we wait?  Enjoy the blessings God has already given me!

Christmas Pressure

 After 2 months of at least one person in our family being sick, BAM . . . it's Christmas.

All my grand hopes of a Christmas in the Oaks, the Jesse Tree advent journey, sweet notes in our stockings . . . not a single one happened.  I somehow managed to get all the prizes purchased and even got them wrapped a whole 24 hours before we were leaving town!  My attitude was "It is what it is" but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed about how fast Christmas had come upon us and how we hadn't celebrated like I would have hoped.

We headed to my parent's house on Sunday after church . . . the van packed full, two kiddos, and sweet Tilly.  C.R.A.Z.Y.  

We'd had a bit of a rough first week with Tilly.  She is a puppy and we quickly discovered that puppies and toddlers don't mesh so well together.  Grayson had scratches all over his face from her pouncing on him when he fell down.  It only took one time for Tilly to nip at Ava's heels for her to declare that she did not want to be around Tilly.  

Great.  One kid is screaming for her life and the other is bleeding.  Not exactly how I pictured this.

And on top of this, we have to load Tilly in the car for a 6 hour ride and then try to keep potty training her while we are at my parent's house.  

All of this mess added up to a good amount of stress for me and Chad.  And because that just wasn't enough, Chad started feeling sick almost as soon as we got to my parent's house.  Bleh!

But God is good . . .

Tilly did so incredibly amazing on the trip and was so much fun for our whole family.  Chad sat the kids down and told them that Tilly needed to learn to obey them too.  Apparently all Ava needed was a little authority!  She has gotten so brave and comfortable around Tilly and is now a master at getting her to sit!  And Grayson quickly learned that he is stronger than Tilly {for now} and can push her off of him.  The tables have turned and now Tilly does a fair amount of running from our wild man!

So the stress with Tilly was gone, but we still felt this pressure and guilt about how we had failed to celebrate Christ's birth well.  

At one point on Christmas Day {when the excitement had died down and it was obvious that Chad felt horrible} Chad and I looked at each other and knew we were thinking the same thing . . . 

We've failed.  I mean, for the love, we haven't even read Luke 2.

But as I felt the weight of shame and could see the guilt in Chad's eyes, God gave me the words that both of us needed to hear.

We celebrate Jesus' birth, life, death, burial, and resurrection every day.  {Or at least that is our desire . . . we sure aren't perfect!}  We don't need to feel the pressure to have it all big and monumental on December 25th . . . like our kids won't ever know Jesus unless we get it right in that one 24 hour window.  

So I thanked Chad for being the spiritual leader of our home and our faith family, for pointing me and the kids to Christ EVERY day, and for constantly proclaiming with his words and life that we all need Jesus.

Whew.  The burden was gone.  No more guilt and shame.  

They were replaced with joy and gratitude that God the Son entered in to our mess to rescue sinners like you and me.  

Emmanuel.  God with us.  

Jesus has come and He's coming back again!

Oh the grace.

We went on to have a fabulous week with my parents, Clay and Kylee.  We then went to Lafayette for a quick Christmas celebration with Chad's family.  We are so blessed!

Here's a few of my favorites pics from the trip . . .

Sweet Tilly stayed just like this for most of our trip.  Our girl LOVES to be cuddle up next to someone!  

Just like we dreamed {finally} . . . the kids love her so much!

Old house phone from Papa T and Lili = the most treasured addition to my girl's "office" in her room!

Chad and I got Ava her first full Bible.  The first thing she asked to look up was Luke 2.  Real funny God!

The best prize of the year goes to Clay . . . he got Grayson a bike helmet.  Which Grayson wanted to wear at. all. times.  Safety first!  You never know when playing with blocks will get out of hand. :)

Or watching a movie . . . that is some dangerous stuff right there!

Chad's parents got Grayson a bike to go along with his new helmet!  It's a little big for now, but Ava has been doing great on it!

Who knew Paw Paw was so creative?!  Chad's dad made this veterinary office for Ava to play with when we visit.  You can see that her new phone quickly found it's place at her desk!

Paw Paw and Uncle Jacob loved their custom crab shell ornaments!

Such a great family pic!

Sweet Penny reading the books we got her!

We had a great time, but it was sure nice to get home and get back into our normal routine {whatever that is!}.  

So what about y'all?  Did anyone else feel the Christmas pressure?  How do you celebrating with joy without stressing out?

December Waitlist Number

Happy New Year!

I've given up on New Year's resolutions because I fail miserably every time.  That's not to say that I don't have goals {I'd like to lose 9 to 14 lbs, but who's counting?}, but I'm done with setting up rigid parameters and unreal expectations for myself that just leave me defeated.

I did ask the Lord for a Word this morning regarding 2013 and as a Father delights to answer His daughter, God spoke.  I want to share, but I'm still processing so that will have to be for another day!

One great hope that I do have for 2013 is to be united with Easton.  Oh how I pray that I will see my son's face in the coming months.   I long to hold him in my arms.  I can't wait to bring him to his home.  My heart aches to see Ava and Grayson welcome him into our family and love him dearly.  I want to see him bond with his Daddy.  And I so look forward to how God will use Easton's life for His glory!

You know what I would really love?  To celebrate our 10th anniversary in July with a trip to Ethiopia to bring home our son!  {I won't turn you down if you want to pray this with me!}

Our waitlist number for December is . . .

When you look at the number and the current timelines, all these hopes seem unlikely to be realized this year.  {And if they aren't, I'll be okay because in the end I KNOW that God's timing is perfect.}  

But I'm going to hope and pray anyway that 2013 is the year Easton comes home!