The Ache

It has begun. I feel an ache in my heart for my son. Instead of feeling like he will one day be added to our family, I feel like he is already a part of our family and is missing. I think about him throughout the day, wishing he was experiencing that moment with us, wondering what life will be like with him, imagining him interacting with Ava and Grayson.

It is such a strange feeling because since he has to be at least one year younger than Grayson, the reality is that he isn't even born yet. Still, I think of him as a little one waiting for us to bring him home. I pray for his birth mother . . . for her health, for her safety, for her heart.

Tonight was the third night in a row that Ava has prayed the same prayer during family worship. She prays, "God, I just want Mommy and Daddy to go get my brother from Africa. I want them to go over the ocean."

I can't tell you how priceless it is to hear my sweet girl pray for her little brother. She has wholeheartedly embraced him and is ready for us to bring him home . . . NOW! I love those prayers, but at the same time I wonder how my heart will handle hearing that prayer for two years or however long this process takes. If the ache is this strong at the beginning, how will I make it through this journey?

It is hard to envision the road we are on, but I know the answer . . .

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:22-26

I'm going to go pray myself to sleep. Prayers of going over that ocean to the son I ache for. :)